Wednesday, February 29, 2012

What's taking you so long to have a baby?

The one question that I am getting tired of answering is: Why am I waiting so long to have a baby? It seems like a harmless question right? I suppose the interrogator is expecting an answer like: I'm waiting to finish school first, or I'm waiting for some sort of "right time", but think about it. Suppose that is not my answer.

I'm 36 years old and I've been married for 5 1/2 years. Neither my husband nor I have any children. So, you want to know, WHY NOT? I use to come up with different reasons to detract from answering the question. I was told that I'm selfish. My biological clock is ticking out. Why don't you give that man a child?

Under any circumstance, is it ever anyone's business? When is this ever an appropriate question? Very carefully, I will answer you, as I try to protect my family and try to protect you from my sharp tongue. I'm tempted to be rude. I don't think the question is meant to hurt me, but I'm tempted and I'm just tired of this question. Furthermore, any ailment that I have is not a symptom of possible pregger-ness.

Sometimes, I just like to eat Chinese food. It's cheap greasy food that I enjoy from time to time. If I ever become pregnant, I'll let you know when the time is right, but until then, please stop... wait, hold up... suppose I go ahead and tell you why we don't have children yet. What then?

Are you going to tell me to pray about it? Thank you, I have done that. Please pray for me also. Will you try to encourage me by saying, "When you least expect it, you'll get pregnant." Perhaps, life is often like that at times. Better yet, what happens when I piss you off? Will you tell me, "That's why God didn't bless you with any kids!"

I have heard all of these things before. It seems to me, that any response showing my disapproval of this question is going to label me as "bitter". I refuse to be bitter. Married life without children ain't half bad. My husband and I have decided to enjoy our lives together whatever that turns out to be. I hope you choose to do the same.


  1. Amen sister, I have kids, I wanted kids, but we have to stop treating those who choose not to have children like lepers. If I'm curious about a friend or family members reproductive plans, I'll ask, without judgement. I think too many people have children because they feel they are supposed to. For many it's not even a thought or choice, but rather a happy accident. We should be more thoughtful, and know that children are not a requisite for happiness.

    1. "know that children are not a requisite for happiness" <--- So true. I think a lot of women feel like if they don't have children then they will not be happy. It's very important to know that you have to do your best and DECIDED to be happy, despite whatever curveballs life throws your way.

  2. Maximuslyricus: Wow! I wish hubby and I had been able to have such a clarity of feelings/thought/response when we were going thru our 5 years of infertility and folk kept asking us that question. I'll never forget, I had one ex-inlaw - go figure - who I'm pretty sure made a point of asking the question over and over just to hurt me. Finally, my sister did me the favor of telling him to shut up. So trust - you never know just many people you've helped by putting up this post!



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