Saturday, May 26, 2012

Why I didn't sleep well last night

All though my house was technically on the MLA listing since Tuesday, the For Sale sign was installed today. I'm nervous. If someone tells me to "Let go & Let God" one more time, I'm going to head butt the shit out of them. I've done the work to get it on the market, but what "work" can I do to settle my emotions? And where am I going to live? I haven't quite worked that out yet. I'm going to miss the peaceful small town of Woodbridge, that's for sure. I was raised in New York, but I've never been a city girl. How does that happen?

Tomorrow I will be in Brooklyn meeting the family of my sister-in-law to be. I'm always a little nervous when it comes to meeting new people. I'm not shy at all, I'm just introverted. Thank God my new sister-in-law is awesome. I'm so blessed in the "in-law" department. I'm kinda hoping to fade into the background at tomorrow's dinner. I'm also praying that no one asks me any questions about my job, my future plans, or what's taking us so long to have kids? Fifteen years together, almost 7 years of marriage, it's a question I've come to expect.

I want to start filming Friday Night Confessionals again, but since those videos are so honestly me, I'm afraid of what's going to come out of my mouth. Plus, I found out that my mother discovered CandidAnn. She literally stood up all night watching every— single—video. She said, I could be like "Opal". It's cute how she never says Oprah's name right. But then she started crying... loudly. It never feels good to be the cause of your mother's tears. She knows how terribly honest those videos are and it affected her overwhelming. It's nice to have a place to share my life lessons and experiences with others. Perhaps someone might relate to me, perhaps I can encourage, but is it worth making your mother cry?

What is my talent? I'm so use to taking action on the skills I've aquired for employment, I'm not sure I know what my God given talent is. Suppose my talent doesn't yield me any money? That's a major problem for me. I remember what it's like being broke, drinking Kool-Aid instead of real juice, and my only "doctor" was the free one at Planned Parenthood on Third Avenue in the Bronx.

What am I going to where at tomorrow's... actually today's dinner? It's exactly 2:58am. If I was a wealthy woman, I'd have a stylist choose all my outfits. I'd choose my own lipstick though. Lipstick is awesome. And no one would eff with my hair. My days of having a hair stylist are over.

I just ran my hand across my stomach. That stupid fibroid is contorting my stomach. I use to have a really flat stomach, and sometimes you would see my abs. Been thinking about that myomectomy... not happy about that.

Hubby will be home soon. I should get some sleep.


  1. Please don't leave youtube!!! That is freaky though that your mom discovered your channel...I bet you felt naked, all exposed huh? I bet it felt weird. So I sympathize, but we need you! I feel like my husband and I are at a crossroads too. Nothing like what you're dealing with but we're feeling the same type of things: lost, unsure, wary, confused...and yea, people always want to say the cliché thing. That it will work itself out. I like to be positive too, but those are empty words. Anyway, I don't know much about fibroids but maybe a change in diet? I'll have to research it a bit more but I'm one of those people who believes that ailments can be changed by what you eat. So I hope I can give you seem concrete answers. Maybe I'll do a blog post on it.

    1. I'm not going to stop making YT vids, I'm just reconsidering the FNC portion of it. Having my Mom watch the video was weird for me and now I feel like I have to watch what I say ;-/

      I've done a bunch of research on fibroids. I've changed my diet, and I'm not sure any of it helped. Plus, I can't eat like that for the rest of my life. They say stay away from things that have estrogen, eat lots of cabbage. That's all fine for a while, but for ever? IDK. I'll be on the look out for your blog post if you have the time, but please don't feel obligated because of me. I know how busy life can get, especially with your rigorous training schedule.

    2. So yea, I just did some research on fibroids to educate myself really! I found some interesting stuff online but I'm sure you've seen it already. Either way I want to share it with you and with others because it's an important issue. So stay tuned because vacation comes for me in 2 weeks! Oh, and yes, I completely understand about your mom! Hehe. It's weirder when people you know see (or read) those kinds of things isn't it?

  2. Hi Ann:

    I wanted to just say thanks for the honesty in your CandidAnn series; I'm new to your channel and blog, but love your candor and openness. And I won't bother with cliched phrases, other than to say, feel what you're feeling, acknowledge it and keep moving forward. Change is good, so they say, but is is scary as hell. Trust that you are a smart woman, have partnered with a great man, and you will be ok. In addition, I too suffered many, many years with fibroids, and my male primary care physician suggested a myomectomy. According to him, the myomectomy wasn't that invasive, "all they do is scrape the inside of your uterus". O_o So I said, "It sounds as simple as scraping the inside of your penis..not very invasive at all right?" Let's just say, he quickly gave me a referral to an OB/GYN, who was awesome. I was pissed he made it out to be some fluff surgery and that scraping a uterus, mine no less, was a mere blip.

    Before discussing surgery the OB/GYN wanted to take a watch and see approach to determine whether they were growing, determine how many I had, where they were within the uterus, etc, etc. During this time, I changed my diet as well in an attempt to shrink them naturally. After several ultrasounds, many more painful periods and what seemed to be an accelerated growth spurt for those suckers, she sat me down and said, we've come to the point where we need to do something - something being surgery. At this point I told her I didn't want a hysterectomy, and the myomectomy scared me as well. I explained to her how my PCP had explained it to me, at which point she called him a few choice names. She asked if I heard of the UFE (Uterine Fibroid Embolization) procedure. I hadn't and she explained how the process works…..they go in through the femoral artery to reach your uterus, specifically they inject a blocking agent into, I believe the fallopian tubes, on either side, thus cutting off the "food", aka blood supply to the uterus, thus causing existing fibroids to shrink and die. Please no, I am by no means medically inclined and this is a VERY generalized version of the procedure. I will tell you, after meeting with the interventional radiology team, I researched the hell out of this procedure to the point that I was very clear about what I wanted. As an example, it's recommended women get an epidural to manage pain; well, to me this didn't make sense. Why add one more area of stress, potential complications from an epidural, plus the epidural itself since I've never had one, to my life, if IV pain meds would in fact accomplish the same goal. Recovery wasn't horrible, but I will tell you, it does take the full two weeks to recover, and that pain was no joke, at least for me. I just thought I'd share the information in case you weren't familiar with the procedure.

    1. WOW, first of all... I was so overwhelmed by your lengthy response, I want to you know that I am so very thankful that you took the time to reach out to me. I have read your response over and over. I'll be going through each one of the links you supplied. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I can't believe how cool the internet can be.

    2. You are more than welcome; I was a bit hesitant about writing so much, but the more I wrote, the more I felt it could be of value. :) I am a firm believer in sharing knowledge/information in hopes someone would do the same for me. And you are correct, the Internet is awesome.



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